How to write the best ever Mother’s Day note

Do you want to write the best Mother’s Day letter EVER? Do you want to surpass your siblings with a Mother’s Day card that will make you the Golden Child for the REST OF YOUR LIFE? To write your letter, choose either option 1, 2, 3, or 4 from each section of my simple step-by-step guide, put them together, sign your name, and VOILA!

1. Dear Mum,
2. Snuggle Bums,
3. To my biological parent,
4. Dolphin Queen,

1. Happy Mother’s Day – you’re the best!
2. It’s Mother’s Day again and I want to send you some rainbow coloured cuddles .
3. Where have you been the last 12 years?
4. I am writing to you from Burkina Faso (formerly Upper Volta). I have a pain in my right leg but remain hopeful.

1. I just wanted to let you know how much I value you in my life.
2. Thank you for giving birth to me, it was really fun!
3. I’m trying my hardest to think of something nice to say….
4. I chanelled you last night in a voodoo ceremony. I was trying to remove a dung beetle from your ear and removed your ear instead. I hope it didn’t hurt.

1. When I’m sick with the flu, or exhausted from a days’ work you’re always there for me.
2. As well as being my mum, you’re my best friend. I love spending time with you so I propose that I move back home – forever!
3. Over the past few years you have become a lot less annoying – to the point where I don’t hate being around you.
4. Sometimes I feel your earth spirit coursing through my body – particularly when I haven’t showered.

1. I love your home cooked meals and the way you fold my laundry. You make me feel loved no matter what and I love you for that.
2. This is kind of embarrassing, but I still can’t go to sleep at night until you do ‘this little piggy went to market….’ and then tuck me in. Which has been rather inconvenient since we’ve been living an hour and half away from each other.
3. I can’t help but imagine how much more pleasant my childhood would have been if you hadn’t been a complete psycho.
4. It’s hard to describe exactly how I feel about you – but I would say that if you imagine the bond between an injured seal and a Slovakian animal trainer would be a close approximation.

1. Remember that time we went away to the country and ate baked beans and watched movies for three days straight! I will always remember the times we spent together.
2. I’m not sure if you recall – but do you remember when I was sixteen and I had an ‘accident’ at the school athletics carnival and you waited in the toilet cubicle until my pants dried – for three hours – well that’s when I realised just how wonderful you are!
3. I’m still pretty hung up on that time you tried to sell me into slavery, but I guess another few years of therapy may sort that out.
4. My totem animal is the cicada which, like you, hangs out on trees and shrieks in the heat. I guess this is why we get on so well!

So happy Mother’s Day, Mum.

I love you.

[Insert Your Name Here]

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One Comment

  1. Alex
    Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:16 am | Permalink

    This is sure a Mother’s Day she won’t forget… :)

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